I've been sampling a lot of stuff lately, some of which I won't be writing reviews for. So set sail for tales of fail.
Toejam & Earl: Panic on Funkatron was the side scrolling sequel to the isometric exploration game Toejam & Earl. In my youth I only rented games, beat them, then took them back. I tried Toejam & Earl, but it's random maps and free form exploration didn't click with me at all. But since I saw the Xbox version at the local used game shop, I figured I'd check out the older games on GameTap.
Panic on Funkatron is a pretty cool game, hampered by the design zeitgeist of the time. It's a platformer with a lot of extra touches. There are gobs of secrets to find. There are bouncing platforms you can do tricks on. There are plenty of denizens of Funkatron who can give you things, or help you locate extra obscure secrets. There are lots of trees and bushes and manholes to search. There are underwater segments to explore.
The only problem is that the actual combat (capturing lame earthlings to remove their lameness from your funky planet) stinks. And it's unforgiving. What could have been a relaxing and silly adventure is made very annoying. I might have to download an emulator to play it so I can use save states to make the combat less of a problem.
I also tried Mr. Robot. It's an isometric puzzle game / platformer with a computer hacking RPG thrown in for good measure. None of it's actually fun enough to carry the other elements, though. Tycho from Penny Arcade loved it (and the preceding game from the same indie studio). I didn't like either one. I guess I have a feel for where our tastes diverge, now.
That's all for what I gave up on. Here's what I'm still playing.
Otogi is an action game for the Xbox. I was expecting it to be a poor man's Devil May Cry. That's basically true. It's slow. The controls are cumbersome. The moves aren't very interesting. What the game does have going for it is very Japanese designs. From the opening menu, everything about the visuals and sound evokes a foreign sensibility. There's even a Japanese language track I turned on, so I'm watching the game play out with subtitles. Like Just Cause, I enjoy the atmosphere and tolerate the gameplay.
Battalion wars is a simplified RTS for the GameCube. I was hoping it would be a simple game, where I could quickly learn the units and get strategizing. But I've fought across the first continent and they're still introducing units with every map. They're not useful units either. There's nothing new the assault unit brings to the party. It just makes rifle units obsolete. Also, like most console RTS games, the controls are cumbersome.
I've only dinked with the tutorial so far, but Panzer Dragoon Orta is looking promising. It's a game where you fly around on a dragon and shoot stuff. It's by the same folks who did Gunvalkyrie, and it shows. The controls are fairly complicated and arcane. It should be a fun challenge.
Speaking of which, I finally broke down and ordered a huge challenge: Ninja Gaiden Black. Some say it's better than Devil May Cry. I doubt I'll like it better as DMC was my first love in action games. But I'm guessing it'll still be wonderful.
I have not broken down to get GTA IV, however. I've read and watched reviews and discussions. I know more than I'd like to about the game already. But that's something I accept as a cheap ass gamer. The consoles I'd need to play it on are still vastly overpriced. Sure I wasted a lot of money on a Wii just to play Galaxy, but I also wanted to support Nintendo in trying anything besides "the same games only prettier".
Looking at the two remaining consoles I see bad hardware, expensive online, and mercenary microtransactions versus ridiculous price, lousy online, no rumble, and no backwards compatibility. Throw in the fact that I'd want to replace my old TV to get the full benefit, and I'll be lucky to get to play GTA IV this year. Here's hoping for a decent PC version.
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