written by Blain Newport on Saturday, 28 June 2014
GAME JOURNALS CONTAIN SPOILERS. DEAL WITH IT PINK BOY.
Part The First (in which relationships suck)
Hello. I'm Susan Spaceman. And this is my story. Well, this is the first part of it anyway. In this age of social media (2364 A.D.) who's going to read the whole story of someone else's life. I don't even keep up with all my friends' status updates.
So I'll limit this post to my first romantic implosion.
When I got the posting to Megalodon-9, I was pretty stoked. It's parked over Venlith, one of the greatest resort planets in the galaxy. But on the flip side Venlith is so valuable that the Geldar and the Scalians have been fighting over it like crazy, so any any away missions in the system are super dangerous. Plus the station is pretty old and when you're a transporter accident clean up technician, that means lots of "incidents". In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have been so stoked.
But I was. And I had a job to do and a whole group of new co-workers to meet, which is always exciting / terrifying, especially when your new boss is a boisterous Xx'th'xx (think one-eyed sentient octopus) named Damion Hass. I swear I couldn't tell if he was being friendly, trying to scare me, or telling the truth about how crazy my new job was going to be. But I left the orientation way more confused than I went in. I don't remember meeting anybody, really.
But I did. Before I even got to my new quarters I got a notification that I had been tagged in a post on Spacebook. "Susan Spaceman is basically the coolest. That is all. - Jamee Macneil" I just stood there. I was simultaneously flabbergasted and flattered, which is a weird combination. When it finally faded I resolved to get to know Jamee better, and in the days that followed, I did just that. In fact, I found myself developing feelings for her. I thought I might have found someone.
But... Okay, okay! I get it! It's hard to get invested in my story when every paragraph's a reversal. It's writer's whiplash or something. But that's how it was! I was new, and I didn't know anything, and everything I thought I knew was wrong!
So Nev. It was Nev Yajum. There was just something about her. I thought it was Jamee, but I was drawn to Nev. And Nev was down. I think it was maybe two and a half weeks after I got to the station that Nev and I switched our profiles to "In a Relationship". It was pretty great. We were drinking in the station bar, going to the Virtuo-Augmento suites for virtual getaways, and hanging out with other co-workers.
I don't want to believe it was my fault. I just... I don't. I mean I wasn't perfect. I know that. But it wasn't my fault.
The truth is, I had been so busy keeping our social calendar full that I didn't make as much time for romance as I should have. Nev told me so. So we took a romantic walk in the park. Then I went back to my old ways. Nev let me know. So I stopped, took inventory, and did the right thing. Nev wanted us to do something romantic every two or three days. I was happy as long as we were just spending time, but she wanted holo-candles all the time. And I decided I could do that. And every two or three days I would. I won't lie. It felt like work, but I figured that's what relationships are, so I did it. I put in the work.
There are right reasons and wrong reasons for that, though. And mine were definitely wrong. I didn't do the work because she was unhappy and I wanted her to be happy. I did it because I wanted the relationship.
Yeah. I guess it was my fault... I mean I haven't even told you the worst part.
Jamee invited me to dinner.
You know, all those nice romantic dinners I was throwing for Nev? The kind she never threw for me once? Jamee invited me to dinner. So I said yes. It was just dinner. It was safe. I was already in a relationship. Nev didn't see it that way, and I can't blame her. But it was just dinner.
I'd say that the worst part was how Nev acted like things were okay for a week and half, letting me believe I was forgiven, before breaking up with me, but that was only the beginning. I mean, I know Nev was up front about herself when we started going out, but I didn't expect her to leave me for a man. I don't know why that hurt more, but it did.
And when Jamee came back around I was hurting but hopeful. Maybe this was how it should have been all along. I was wrong. I... had been wrong. But I had had feelings for Jamee from the start, and she invited me to dinner so she obviously had some feelings for me too.
I don't even want to write it. Ha. The whole point of this was to get it off my chest, but I can't even...
Jamee left me for Nev.
I'm gonna go listen to Cibo Matto and lie down.